Fearlessly Self-Promote, Queen

Hey Queen,

For a couple of years, between selling my IT firm and writing “The Queen’s Decree” – I was a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). On my first day in that rewarding role, I remember playfully and excitedly calling myself a “Domestic Goddess.”

See, I had just gotten the house in tip-top shape, helped the kids with homework and made a fabulous dinner. This experience was so new to me, and I reveled in it. I loved every moment of that day – and was so damn proud of myself! My kids, mom and ex-husband were with me as we sat down to dinner.

Instead of celebrating my accomplishments and new life focus, my mom and ex-husband laughed – they actually howled laughing – and made fun of the “Domestic Goddess” moniker I had given myself. It was humiliating, and I felt like I was a picked-on 6-year-old girl at the playground.

My mother and ex-husband – the two people I counted on the most to build me up – were making fun of me. Without a moment to process, and without time to think, I allowed myself to shift from pure joy to pure shame, just like that.

Be Proud and Fearlessly Self-Promote, Queen!

This is often the “damned if you do” and “damned if you don’t” dilemma mothers face in this day and age. When I was the CEO of my IT consulting company, I was never home enough to give my family the time they deserved – and my success came at too high a cost. And I never had the time, energy or ability to celebrate that success.

When I decided to celebrate my kick-ass day as a SAHM, it was clear the sheer joy I felt in my domestic success was laughable. Fuck me.

Give Yourself Some Credit, Queen. You’ve Earned It!

For some reason, when women self-promote, people find it distasteful, and we often experience this reaction from those closest to us. Why is that? Well, to me, it’s the age-old “sit down and look pretty” mentality.

And I’m done with it.

I’m done with the idea that my gifts – whether as a CEO, mother, daughter, coach, Queen, or whatever role I choose – aren’t worthy of celebration. Because they sure as hell are! I am worthy of celebration and even self-promotion, damnit.

Haters show themselves the most when you’re living your fullest. Let them come. It means you’re doing something right! They’re jealous that they’re not the ones doing it, truly. I promise you, it’s not even about you. Ever. It’s always about them.

In my book, “The Queen’s Decree: Finding Purpose, Passion and Prosperity Your Way,” I talk about the gift of the “IR” which stands for “I Rule.” When I care what the haters think, I make them relevant. I give them power. Shift your mindset and tell yourself “I Rule” and make the haters IR-relevant by adding the IR.

Practice this regularly, and you’ll be amazed by how little the haters impact you. And it’ll be one of the most freeing things you’ve ever experienced.

Sincerely,

 

2 Comments

  1. This! This was one of THE MOST life impacting moments, when I realized I do in fact rule. When it hit me that my haters-and all their opinions/judgements of how they would have done things better-couldn’t have lived my life any more successfully if they were in my shoes and dealt with the same cards played. That in fact, I kicked ass more than any other woman could have. Self-promotion plug of I dare say I did the damn near impossible🙌🏻The haters’ words to their subjects of jealousy really do reflect what’s going on inside of their mind and heart and eventually, that can lead to compassion of understanding their pain. Oh and sprinkle in a little fairy dust of that second sign down you have on your living room wall too🤣

    • Thank you Jess! Claim it, Queen!! Let your crown shine bright. If the haters can’t see the path you’re clearing for yourself, for them and other women by your example, it’s not your concern – their opinions are IR|Relevant! XOXO – CA

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I support women in transforming the way Queens like you think about yourselves, empowering you to reimagine what’s possible – in work and in life – and make their boldest visions real. I do this both in my writing and coaching.

As a successful entrepreneur who founded and sold a multi-million-dollar company in my thirties, I bring energy and insight from my lived experience to coach everyone from aspiring entrepreneurs to executives.

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