Skip to main content

Self-Talk Fit For A Queen

Written by Carrie-Ann Barrow on . Posted in For Women, Bring Out The Queen, Developing Queen Confidence, Personal Development, Professional Development, Self-Awareness. No Comments on Self-Talk Fit For A Queen

Hey Queen,

The words we use matter. And when it comes to feeling (and being) confident in both our personal and professional lives — words matter even more. We want our self-talk to be worthy of royalty! You, Queen, are royal after all!

In Chapter 8 of “The Queen’s Decree,” titled Speak Like a Queen, I focus on the topic of language. The words we use, and the words we allow others to use when speaking with us, matter. They make a significant difference in how we make decisions, how we feel about ourselves, how we present ourselves to others, and ultimately, our confidence. And ladies, what I want for you is Queen confidence. The kind of confidence that speaks before the words even come out and says, “See that Queen over there? Don’t even try to fuck with her.”

So how do we put the idea of Queen confidence into practice? How do the words we currently use stop us from getting that confidence — and how can we shake things up a bit to get it?

Let’s start with an example from a recent coaching session I had with an incredible professional who we’ll call Holly. Holly decided to make a career shift about four years ago into real estate and was absolutely killing it! She was fulfilled and happy. That is, until the negative self-talk would start.

You see royal ones, even when it seems we have it all together, there’s still an inner saboteur voice that visits most of us. You are not alone. It’s normal and it’s okay. What’s important is that you have the tools to adjust, rewrite and overhaul the language you’re using. And if you don’t have them yet, well, we’re going to make sure you get them!

During our session, I asked Holly when the last time was that the negative voice showed up. She explained that while at a realtor networking event, others were talking about their 20+ years, even 30+ years of experience, and the benefit that brings to clients. And she only had four years of experience. She asked herself, “Why would someone want to hire me as their realtor when I only have four?”

I gave Holly some homework. I asked her to make a list of all her accomplishments over the past four years. Then, I asked her to take the statement “I’ve only been a realtor for four years” and turn that into “In only four years as a realtor, I have accomplished…”

And it was magic.

In only four years, she had already received recognition for operating as the number one team in her county and for being one of the top 300 realtors in her region — and she is also a wife, a mother, a soccer coach and so much more. See the difference from “I’ve only been a realtor for four years” to “In only four years I have accomplished…?”

The shift in language, specifically in self-talk, is important. Holly is a benevolent Queen who wouldn’t minimize her partner, children, friends, or probably even a stranger in the grocery store with her language. And now, she is learning to treat herself with the same love and care.

How about you, Queen? How do your words speak the language of self-love? Listen closely, my royal friends, and when that negative self-talk shows up, imagine you’re talking to someone you love deeply and hold in the highest regard. Then, do just that. Give yourself the royal self-love you deserve and speak to yourself like you’re speaking to a Queen. Because – you are!

After all, words matter when talking with royalty. And you, sister Queen, are royal!

 

Fearlessly Self-Promote, Queen

Written by Carrie-Ann Barrow on . Posted in Taking Control of Your Kingdom, Bring Out The Queen, For Women, Personal Development, Professional Development, Self-Awareness, The Queen’s Decree. 2 Comments on Fearlessly Self-Promote, Queen

Hey Queen,

For a couple of years, between selling my IT firm and writing “The Queen’s Decree” – I was a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). On my first day in that rewarding role, I remember playfully and excitedly calling myself a “Domestic Goddess.”

See, I had just gotten the house in tip-top shape, helped the kids with homework and made a fabulous dinner. This experience was so new to me, and I reveled in it. I loved every moment of that day – and was so damn proud of myself! My kids, mom and ex-husband were with me as we sat down to dinner.

Instead of celebrating my accomplishments and new life focus, my mom and ex-husband laughed – they actually howled laughing – and made fun of the “Domestic Goddess” moniker I had given myself. It was humiliating, and I felt like I was a picked-on 6-year-old girl at the playground.

My mother and ex-husband – the two people I counted on the most to build me up – were making fun of me. Without a moment to process, and without time to think, I allowed myself to shift from pure joy to pure shame, just like that.

Be Proud and Fearlessly Self-Promote, Queen!

This is often the “damned if you do” and “damned if you don’t” dilemma mothers face in this day and age. When I was the CEO of my IT consulting company, I was never home enough to give my family the time they deserved – and my success came at too high a cost. And I never had the time, energy or ability to celebrate that success.

When I decided to celebrate my kick-ass day as a SAHM, it was clear the sheer joy I felt in my domestic success was laughable. Fuck me.

Give Yourself Some Credit, Queen. You’ve Earned It!

For some reason, when women self-promote, people find it distasteful, and we often experience this reaction from those closest to us. Why is that? Well, to me, it’s the age-old “sit down and look pretty” mentality.

And I’m done with it.

I’m done with the idea that my gifts – whether as a CEO, mother, daughter, coach, Queen, or whatever role I choose – aren’t worthy of celebration. Because they sure as hell are! I am worthy of celebration and even self-promotion, damnit.

Haters show themselves the most when you’re living your fullest. Let them come. It means you’re doing something right! They’re jealous that they’re not the ones doing it, truly. I promise you, it’s not even about you. Ever. It’s always about them.

In my book, “The Queen’s Decree: Finding Purpose, Passion and Prosperity Your Way,” I talk about the gift of the “IR” which stands for “I Rule.” When I care what the haters think, I make them relevant. I give them power. Shift your mindset and tell yourself “I Rule” and make the haters IR-relevant by adding the IR.

Practice this regularly, and you’ll be amazed by how little the haters impact you. And it’ll be one of the most freeing things you’ve ever experienced.

Sincerely,

 

Breathe, Queen

Written by Carrie-Ann Barrow on . Posted in Taking Control of Your Kingdom, Bring Out The Queen, Exclusive Worksheets, For Women, Personal Development, Professional Development, Self-Awareness, The Queen’s Decree. 1 Comment on Breathe, Queen

Hey Queen,

I got an email from a colleague of mine for whom I have the deepest level of personal and professional respect. She’s also a coach, and one of her innate gifts is helping clients create a sacred space within – a space that holds you, and hugs you, with the kind of warm, compassionate love that always feels safe. She is a gift.

While it’s always a joy to hear from her, this email was one filled with heaviness.

When Responsibilities and Reality Collide

She’s in her sixties and finding that many of her loved ones are starting to struggle through the ailments, illnesses, and hardships that arise as we age. She is also experiencing the impact of aging personally – her aches and pains are more frequent, and her health is becoming harder to maintain.

This is the human condition, and I am convinced that no matter how much we’re told that it will come, it surprises us, nonetheless.

I read through her email. While she was navigating physical challenges, I noticed through her word choice that she was putting a tremendous amount of additional weight on her own back.

“I have to do this. I have to do that….”

There were six “I have-to’s” in just two short paragraphs.

I’ve been there. You may have been there, too. And if my colleague, an incredible Queen in her own right, mentioned that she has gotten to that place – I am convinced that we all have, or all will, at some point be overwhelmed by the burden of what we “should” accomplish at a time when it seems impossible to add anything else to our plate.

When I feel that heaviness coming on, I remember that really, all you or I, or any of us, have to do in any given moment is breathe.

When Overwhelm Takes Hold, Simply Breathe

Breathe in. Breathe out.

That is our only “have to” for living in the moment. Another way of saying this is to simply “be,” if only for a second.

The rest of what we “have to” do are all choices, some intentional, some not. If you’re not breathing first and foremost, the non-intentional choices – that guilt, that heaviness – takes hold of your inner Kingdom. And for a brief time, that’s okay. That’s human. Let that be, too. And then, take a step back and remember, all you really have to do is breathe.

Take in that beautiful, life-affirming air and hold it for a second or two, deep in your lungs. Embrace simplicity – and embrace how such a small action can make such a massive change. Simply, breathe.

Take long, slow breaths and let it flow through you. Feel it flow through you. Allow simplicity to clear space in your Kingdom for intentional choice, and I anticipate, you’ll find freedom.

 

Breathe.

You Can’t Have Bravery Without Fear

Written by Carrie-Ann Barrow on . Posted in Carrie-Ann Barrow, Determine Your Royal Decree, Developing Queen Confidence, Finding Regal Fulfillment, For Entrepreneurs, For Leaders, For Women, Personal Development, Professional Development, Self-Awareness, Taking Control of Your Kingdom, The Queen’s Decree, Unapologetic Queens.

Hey Queen,

Today, let’s talk about bravery, which you can’t have without fear. I’ve found that when I do the one thing that I fear in the moment – all the other things that I feared become a lot less scary, or otherwise completely irrelevant.

Fear Fuels Bravery

A brilliant business coach named Andie Monet said something that made me appreciate my fear. She said, “you can’t have bravery without fear.” That was great news for me, because when I decided to write a book, I found a lot of old fears coming back, and some new ones emerging.

As I thought about Andie’s words, “You can’t have bravery without fear,” I shifted my l mindset from thinking that fear is a restraint that’s holding me back – to recognize it as a tool that is pushing me to bravery. I imagined the shackles of fear coming off, and replaced that image with a gusting wind pushing me forward taking on my biggest challenges – and I did just that.

Facing One Of My Biggest Fears

Just before the release of my book, “The Queen’s Decree: Finding Purpose, Passion and Prosperity Your Way,” my biggest fear was hurting my parents. In my book, I share stories about my childhood, and some of the stories are difficult memories that are critical to understanding what I needed to do to step into my role as Queen of my own kingdom.

I wanted my parents to read what I had written before I published it. I put it off for months, and as the release came closer, I considered not publishing at all.

My inner Queen was hiding. And yes, I still have to call her out sometimes!

Then, I heard Andie in my mind, and I prioritized my value of bravery. I shared the book with my parents who, over the years, have grown as people, right along with me.

To be clear, the bravery came first in making the firm choice that the book I had poured myself into –and worked on for more than two years – would be published. Once that was done, while still very hard, talking about it with my parents was easier than my fear had led me to believe.

Remember, Queen – fear loses its grip when you realize that you actually need it to get that super satisfying feeling of bravery. You’ve got this, Queen.

 

Let’s Break Up, Social Media – For The Time Being

Written by Carrie-Ann Barrow on . Posted in Taking Control of Your Kingdom, A Queen’s Guide to Self-Care, Bring Out The Queen, Choose Your Velocity, Clarify Your Vision, Determine Your Royal Decree, Developing Queen Confidence, Discover Your Core Values, Finding Purpose, Passion and Prosperity, Finding Regal Fulfillment, Personal Development, Professional Development, Self-Awareness, The Queen’s Decree, The Royal Treatment. No Comments on Let’s Break Up, Social Media – For The Time Being

Hey Queen,

Ever felt like saying, “let’s break up” to social media?

Recently, my teenage son and I were talking about social media – and something he said really struck me.

He talked about how breaks from the social media apps (Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, TikTok and the like) are important – especially when you’re feeling down – because all you see are ways to become a better version of yourself. And that type of perfection is unattainable.

I thought about how many times I’ve felt that way over the course of my life (even pre-social media), and how sad it is that kids today feel that pressure so soon. There was a time when “Keeping up with the Joneses” was an adult-only worry.

Breaking Up With Social Media Provides Perspective

So, Queens, how do you deal with this pressure?

An important part of stepping into your role as Queen of your kingdom is remembering that you are the only one who can fill it – so there is literally no competition. None. Zilch. Zero. There is only one you.

That means you have no reason to compare yourself for not being “as rich as…,” “as fit as…,” “as successful as…,” or any other “as.” My kingdom can only be ruled by me – and I, just as I am, am perfect for the job.

I remind myself of this when I’m feeling the pressure my son described. And through my modeling as a parent, and conversations about his experiences – I remind him that he has agency over his life. He decides what he invests his time and energy into. And yes, he is so, so right. Breaks are important, as is the deep knowing and believing that he is enough.

Give yourself a break, Queen. You deserve it.

  • 1
  • 2