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Self-Advocating Queens

Written by Carrie-Ann Barrow on . Posted in Carrie-Ann Barrow, Developing Queen Confidence, For Entrepreneurs, For Women, Professional Development, The Queen’s Decree, Unapologetic Queens.

Queen,

Do you dread when promotions roll out in the workplace? Or when you have to “sell” your achievements and contributions such as in a presentation or interview? You are not alone, this can be a common trait among us Sister Queens. But why is this? And what can we do to harness the Queen energy we have put the work in to manifest?

Becoming a Self-Advocating Queen, Unapologetically

Most of us Queens were raised in an environment where humility, quietness, and praising the efforts of others were valued. Coming from this, it can be a hard habit to embody our own confidence. Sometimes the person we need to give credit to is ourselves. When we recognize our own contributions to success at home, in the workplace, and elsewhere in our lives, we affirm our worth and our wealth.

What is your superpower? What are your gifts? What do you bring to the team that is essential to success or leadership? It can be hard to recognize these attributes in ourselves, but some self-reflection, mantra work, and asking others how they perceived a project and the individual contributions can help.

Noticing your contributions is the first step towards becoming the Queen you are meant to be. Nothing in the workplace is accomplished alone – what role did you play?

Next, you need to speak up about your strengths. What are the specific examples of your efforts in the most recent project? Why was this important? Helping others see from your point of view is a major step in owning your Kingdom and asserting your royal birthright.

Always More Than Enough

No matter your experience level, thoughts that say you aren’t enough can creep up – you may not have as much experience as your role models, or maybe you feel like you aren’t an expert yet in your field. These pesky thoughts are a sign of imposter syndrome, and they do not serve you. No matter where you are on your path, you have made it here, and here is a good place to be. You have done the work. You have come to the right place, and from here you can go anywhere. For more inspiration, check out my workbook. This will help you on your path to manifest your Kingdom. You have the drive and the passion, now is the time to roll your shoulders back and put your chin up. Harness your Queen energy and do all you do with the confidence of royalty.

Sincerely,

Queen, You Are Picture-Perfect

Written by Carrie-Ann Barrow on . Posted in For Women, A Queen’s Guide to Self-Care, Bring Out The Queen, Carrie-Ann Barrow, Developing Queen Confidence, Personal Development, Regal Coaching, Self-Awareness, The Queen’s Decree, The Royal Treatment. No Comments on Queen, You Are Picture-Perfect

Hey Beautiful Queen,

When is the last time you looked in the mirror and saw yourself as beautiful, and dare I say it, perfect?

Based on my personal experiences and those of the Queens I’ve coached, it may have been a while. Perhaps you can’t think of a time you’ve ever felt that radiant. First and foremost, know that you are stunning inside and out — whether or not magazines, television shows or movies visibly reflect the most gorgeous parts of you.

While we’re making progress, our society and culture still identify thin waists, long hair, curvy figures and small noses as the beauty standard. This emphasis on B.S. ideals makes us feel “less than” — less than perfect, less than worthy, less than desirable. The feeling sucks. And know, my Royal sister, that you are not alone. According to the Dove Self-Esteem Project, only 4% of women across the world consider themselves beautiful. Let that sink in – 96% of women across the world don’t realize their their own beauty. How is that possible?! When I look at my Royal Court of friends, colleagues and family, I see nothing but gorgeous Queens.

How Do You See Yourself?

Throughout most my life, I carried the common definition of beauty in my head, one that we as women are indoctrinated to believe. I mean, we still have beauty contests for fucks’ sake! FOR KIDS! We’re taught to see beauty as competitive, comparative and transactional — and that it only exists on the outside. That’s a definition of beauty that feels precarious. It’s the kind of beauty that can’t leave the house without being coated in heavy makeup or relies on ridiculous Instagram filters to feel valued. This is a beauty defined by the absence of imperfection, and one that robs us of confidence. Over the years I’ve learned, in part through photography and the work of brilliant photographers, that my beauty is defined by me, and me alone.

Capture Reality And Build Confidence

Years ago, I revamped my website, and needed new corporate photos. I’d just started doing the inner work, and wanted to lean into actually “seeing” myself as bold, beautiful, confident, and capable. I hired a photographer who took the time to learn about who I was, what I valued and what I wanted for myself — before she even picked up her camera. She encouraged me to do more than take professional headshots and to consider photos of all sides of me – badass yet soft, sexy yet sweet. The resulting images were of a Queen who is all those things. And damn, was she beautiful — it took a moment to believe that it was me in those photos! As mentioned, I had just started doing the inner work and was still learning about my own beauty, my own power. Those images, when I need it, are my go-to for “seeing is believing,” when I need a reminder that all I am on the inside, I am on the outside.

More recently, I did a photo shoot to celebrate the release of The Queen’s Decree and worked with photographer Dena Meeder — and she feels as strongly as I do about helping women develop Queen Confidence. It was an amazing experience!! As you can see in that photo collage below, Dena brought out my full royalty – my Queen Elizabeth I, my Marie Antionette, my Bad-Ass Monarch, my Playful Sovereign — all of Queen Carrie-Ann Barrow! Now, while I wouldn’t leave the house in that Marie Antionette wig, I had a lot of fun playing in the studio and seeing myself in literal Royal attire. Remember, it’s a visual representation of how I feel on the inside. When I look at those photos, my crown is shining bright inside and out, and so is my confidence!

The confidence that photography can help create has nothing to do with the camera. It had to do with showing up fully and working with Queens like Dena that see all of you just as you are — stunning, strong, brilliant and Royal!

Surprise Yourself, Queen! You Deserve It.

One of my Queen clients is a sixty-something entrepreneur that was advised to make her website more personal by using photos of herself instead of stock photos. She had procrastinated for months, as she dreaded the thought of being photographed (been there!).

She shared that she hated the way she looked in photos. All she could think about was how “perfect” she was in her early twenties and kept comparing her sixty-something body to her twenty-something body. I asked what she loved about herself back then besides what she could see on the outside. She loved her lightheartedness, her sense of adventure, the way she loves deeply, her willingness to take risks and so much more. What she described are the Values she holds — the jewels in her crown — and she still has all those things! We worked on how to present them on the outside because that is what really makes a person attractive.

We talked about how to bring those gems into view today and in images of herself. Her lightheartedness began to show up and we had so much fun talking about poses, wardrobe, scenery. I then challenged her to consider adding boudoir to her photography plans. This was a stretch, I knew that, and I also knew, based on my own experience, that it can bring out a side of a woman that we dutifully hide based on societal pressures. Truth is, she’s dying to be seen. I wasn’t suggesting this for her website. I was suggesting that she do this for herself to see that sexy side of her that she loved so much in her twenties. She took a deep breath and then, she smiled big and agreed. She texted me a couple of weeks later and shared that simply arranging the session has already boosted her confidence. (HELL YES!)

She had a ball selecting the perfect outfits and accessories and allowed herself to be the star of the show. Through the tool of photography, her Queen is coming to life! She’s bringing all her inner gorgeousness to the outside, so she can celebrate herself. My heart explodes as I think about the confidence, she was manifesting by giving herself permission to be what she already is, absolutely beautiful.

I encourage you to give this a try, Queen — you are beautiful inside and out! Stay tuned for an email from me with exciting news coming soon. Dena and I are working together on a women’s retreat this coming spring where attendees will have an opportunity to be photographed in their majesty. You won’t want to miss it!

Sincerely,

Queen Energy

Written by Carrie-Ann Barrow on . Posted in For Women, Bring Out The Queen, Developing Queen Confidence, Personal Development, Professional Development, Self-Awareness, The Queen’s Decree. No Comments on Queen Energy

Hey Queen,

Queens like us have a lot to accomplish — and wear a lot (I mean, a lot) of crowns! From Queen of our Kingdom to partner, mother, CEO, leader, co-worker, teacher, friend, daughter and so many others, our roles are as vast as our Kingdom. In Chapter 7 of my book, The Queen’s Decree, I talk about forming your royal court. We accomplish this by first allowing each of these separate, yet essential, roles to be allies, or “besties” if you will. When each of our previously competing roles band together, we give ourselves permission to not be all things all the time, which reduces the guilt we feel when we can’t do a million things at once. Sister Queens, I know this is not easy, but I do have a way to help you manage that stress.

It’s all about managing energy — your energy! It is the intention and attention that you’re giving emotionally, physically, and intellectually to yourself and the world.

Let’s start with intention — what is on your Royal agenda today? Is it a board meeting or sales call where the intention is focused on persuasion? Is it a day taking your mom to her doctor’s appointment where the intention is focused on care and love? Is it a day of royal treatment planned for you and a Sister Queen to get massages and focus on self-love? What is your intention for the day? Let’s start there.

Knowing your intention, give that your full attention for the day — and determine the energy needed to achieve it. If you’re looking to persuade, is It powerful, authoritative energy? If you’re with those who need you on a caring, emotional level, does your energy need to focus on patience?

Now, again, I know this isn’t easy! There are a lot of things out there that can hijack your energy. From simple things like drinking too much coffee to bigger things like getting a flat tire on the highway on your way to an important meeting — it only takes one challenge, and your energy can be zapped in an instant. Queens, stop with the caffeine when you need slower-pace energy (you’re welcome)!! And as far as the unexpected, these are known unknowns. Sh*t happens — we do know that. We just don’t know when. Either way, you’ve got this Queens, because Queen Energy is resilient, incredibly powerful, and truly impactful.

Queen Energy is…..

  • Self-Determined
  • Authoritative
  • Unapologetic
  • A Blinding Force
  • Powerful
  • Loving
  • Whatever You Want It To Be!

And regardless of what it is — protect it. How? Well, here’s the best part. There are no new steps to learn, no additional tasks to add to your day. Go back to the start. Focus on your intention and give it your full attention.

You, Queen, are responsible for your Queen Energy. Honor it — it is royal, as are you.

Sincerely,

 

Self-Talk Fit For A Queen

Written by Carrie-Ann Barrow on . Posted in For Women, Bring Out The Queen, Developing Queen Confidence, Personal Development, Professional Development, Self-Awareness. No Comments on Self-Talk Fit For A Queen

Hey Queen,

The words we use matter. And when it comes to feeling (and being) confident in both our personal and professional lives — words matter even more. We want our self-talk to be worthy of royalty! You, Queen, are royal after all!

In Chapter 8 of “The Queen’s Decree,” titled Speak Like a Queen, I focus on the topic of language. The words we use, and the words we allow others to use when speaking with us, matter. They make a significant difference in how we make decisions, how we feel about ourselves, how we present ourselves to others, and ultimately, our confidence. And ladies, what I want for you is Queen confidence. The kind of confidence that speaks before the words even come out and says, “See that Queen over there? Don’t even try to fuck with her.”

So how do we put the idea of Queen confidence into practice? How do the words we currently use stop us from getting that confidence — and how can we shake things up a bit to get it?

Let’s start with an example from a recent coaching session I had with an incredible professional who we’ll call Holly. Holly decided to make a career shift about four years ago into real estate and was absolutely killing it! She was fulfilled and happy. That is, until the negative self-talk would start.

You see royal ones, even when it seems we have it all together, there’s still an inner saboteur voice that visits most of us. You are not alone. It’s normal and it’s okay. What’s important is that you have the tools to adjust, rewrite and overhaul the language you’re using. And if you don’t have them yet, well, we’re going to make sure you get them!

During our session, I asked Holly when the last time was that the negative voice showed up. She explained that while at a realtor networking event, others were talking about their 20+ years, even 30+ years of experience, and the benefit that brings to clients. And she only had four years of experience. She asked herself, “Why would someone want to hire me as their realtor when I only have four?”

I gave Holly some homework. I asked her to make a list of all her accomplishments over the past four years. Then, I asked her to take the statement “I’ve only been a realtor for four years” and turn that into “In only four years as a realtor, I have accomplished…”

And it was magic.

In only four years, she had already received recognition for operating as the number one team in her county and for being one of the top 300 realtors in her region — and she is also a wife, a mother, a soccer coach and so much more. See the difference from “I’ve only been a realtor for four years” to “In only four years I have accomplished…?”

The shift in language, specifically in self-talk, is important. Holly is a benevolent Queen who wouldn’t minimize her partner, children, friends, or probably even a stranger in the grocery store with her language. And now, she is learning to treat herself with the same love and care.

How about you, Queen? How do your words speak the language of self-love? Listen closely, my royal friends, and when that negative self-talk shows up, imagine you’re talking to someone you love deeply and hold in the highest regard. Then, do just that. Give yourself the royal self-love you deserve and speak to yourself like you’re speaking to a Queen. Because – you are!

After all, words matter when talking with royalty. And you, sister Queen, are royal!

 

You Can’t Have Bravery Without Fear

Written by Carrie-Ann Barrow on . Posted in Carrie-Ann Barrow, Determine Your Royal Decree, Developing Queen Confidence, Finding Regal Fulfillment, For Entrepreneurs, For Leaders, For Women, Personal Development, Professional Development, Self-Awareness, Taking Control of Your Kingdom, The Queen’s Decree, Unapologetic Queens.

Hey Queen,

Today, let’s talk about bravery, which you can’t have without fear. I’ve found that when I do the one thing that I fear in the moment – all the other things that I feared become a lot less scary, or otherwise completely irrelevant.

Fear Fuels Bravery

A brilliant business coach named Andie Monet said something that made me appreciate my fear. She said, “you can’t have bravery without fear.” That was great news for me, because when I decided to write a book, I found a lot of old fears coming back, and some new ones emerging.

As I thought about Andie’s words, “You can’t have bravery without fear,” I shifted my l mindset from thinking that fear is a restraint that’s holding me back – to recognize it as a tool that is pushing me to bravery. I imagined the shackles of fear coming off, and replaced that image with a gusting wind pushing me forward taking on my biggest challenges – and I did just that.

Facing One Of My Biggest Fears

Just before the release of my book, “The Queen’s Decree: Finding Purpose, Passion and Prosperity Your Way,” my biggest fear was hurting my parents. In my book, I share stories about my childhood, and some of the stories are difficult memories that are critical to understanding what I needed to do to step into my role as Queen of my own kingdom.

I wanted my parents to read what I had written before I published it. I put it off for months, and as the release came closer, I considered not publishing at all.

My inner Queen was hiding. And yes, I still have to call her out sometimes!

Then, I heard Andie in my mind, and I prioritized my value of bravery. I shared the book with my parents who, over the years, have grown as people, right along with me.

To be clear, the bravery came first in making the firm choice that the book I had poured myself into –and worked on for more than two years – would be published. Once that was done, while still very hard, talking about it with my parents was easier than my fear had led me to believe.

Remember, Queen – fear loses its grip when you realize that you actually need it to get that super satisfying feeling of bravery. You’ve got this, Queen.

 

Let’s Break Up, Social Media – For The Time Being

Written by Carrie-Ann Barrow on . Posted in Taking Control of Your Kingdom, A Queen’s Guide to Self-Care, Bring Out The Queen, Choose Your Velocity, Clarify Your Vision, Determine Your Royal Decree, Developing Queen Confidence, Discover Your Core Values, Finding Purpose, Passion and Prosperity, Finding Regal Fulfillment, Personal Development, Professional Development, Self-Awareness, The Queen’s Decree, The Royal Treatment. No Comments on Let’s Break Up, Social Media – For The Time Being

Hey Queen,

Ever felt like saying, “let’s break up” to social media?

Recently, my teenage son and I were talking about social media – and something he said really struck me.

He talked about how breaks from the social media apps (Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, TikTok and the like) are important – especially when you’re feeling down – because all you see are ways to become a better version of yourself. And that type of perfection is unattainable.

I thought about how many times I’ve felt that way over the course of my life (even pre-social media), and how sad it is that kids today feel that pressure so soon. There was a time when “Keeping up with the Joneses” was an adult-only worry.

Breaking Up With Social Media Provides Perspective

So, Queens, how do you deal with this pressure?

An important part of stepping into your role as Queen of your kingdom is remembering that you are the only one who can fill it – so there is literally no competition. None. Zilch. Zero. There is only one you.

That means you have no reason to compare yourself for not being “as rich as…,” “as fit as…,” “as successful as…,” or any other “as.” My kingdom can only be ruled by me – and I, just as I am, am perfect for the job.

I remind myself of this when I’m feeling the pressure my son described. And through my modeling as a parent, and conversations about his experiences – I remind him that he has agency over his life. He decides what he invests his time and energy into. And yes, he is so, so right. Breaks are important, as is the deep knowing and believing that he is enough.

Give yourself a break, Queen. You deserve it.